Adrien’s Adventures in Home Ownership 07.18.15

I did it!!!!

Last Thursday I achieved one of the things that a large number of Americans want to achieve: I purchased my first home. It’s been a very interesting process. I’ve had what seems like millions of conversations with various home owners and none of those conversations prepared me for this journey. It has been surreal.

Today was moving day. I can’t even count the amount of times that I have moved over the years but moving into your forever home has a vastly different feel than the feelings of moving into a new apartment. I woke up at five am and begin flitting through the house excitedly while I waited for my movers to arrive.

Moving day taught me a few things:

No matter how much you prepare you will forget something.

– Usually one of the most important things on your list. In my case it was the power drill which I really needed to drill the legs onto my new couches and toilet bowl cleanser.

There are some amazing people in this world.

– The College Hunks who moved my junk actually took the time to help my son assemble our mailbox before rushing off until their next appointment. My electrician helped DJ assemble the couches after discovering that we didn’t have a drill. He moved the power cord for the stove so that he could push the stove back making it flush with the wall. He also made the stove level after discovering that the Sear’s delivery men basically dropped the items off, did the bare minimum, and high tailed it out of here.

Some people are only looking to do the bare minimum.

– I  had two deliveries from Sears today, a mattress for the master bedroom, and a refrigerator and stove. Both times the delivery guys came in, placed my items down as quickly as possible, and jetted out after getting quick signatures. What they don’t know is I had planned to tip all of them. They didn’t get the gratuity because they didn’t deserve it but also because I barely had time to ask questions before they ran away. Maybe they had busy schedules. Maybe they wanted to get home to their families. Either way a few extra minutes would’ve equaled  a few extra dollars in their pockets.

Those dollars ended up with the most deserving person though: My electrician. I forgot to mention that he straightened my doorknob (unscrewed the knob and made it level) because it was slightly off-center and “Getting on my last nerve. You may not notice it but I do.” There are definitely angels on this earth.

FLEAS: I have found at least six fleas in this house. I know they didn’t come from the new furniture. We noticed a few before the deliveries started arriving and kind of brushed it off but after everything was situated and we sat down to eat we noticed a few more. We don’t have carpets, or animals, and we didn’t have any at the other house. I also didn’t notice them during any of my walk throughs, during the inspection, or any of the other times that I have been to this house. I have no idea where they came from but I do know that I can’t call the office and request pest control. I am officially maintenance, security, pest control, the manager, and all other duties that arise.

*CHALLENGE ACCEPTED*

Lastly I was reminded that if you don’t freak out at the first sign of trouble you can think clearly and the Universe will provide for you as it always does. I needed to be at both houses today on three different occasions and between pushing the car to the speed limit, awesome repair and installation people, and great timing I managed to meet every delivery person, be here long enough for every installation, and manage the movers at both houses. Most of these things were happening at two places simultaneously.

*Cues I am a God*

Stay tuned, I’m tired and I feel like I’m rambling but I plan to keep you guys updated on this home ownership journey.

Special Thanks to College Hunks Hauling Junk, Wayne the electrician, and Verizon for the superb patience and way above and beyond service. And to Kelly Parks of Keller Realty for the gift card that helped me purchase my stove and refrigerator.

Also to my neighbor slash homey/lover/friend Mo for coming through with the flea bombs. Something tells me where there are six there are more.

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My plant Alice. I named her after my great grandmother. Keep your ancestors close. They help ground you.

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College Hunks do more than just haul junk.

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How many people does it take to put together a mailbox? At least five.

Wayne the electrician.

Wayne the electrician.

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New fridge and stove from Sears Outlet.

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DJ would you like to use a drill?

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Delivery equals bringing items to your home and plopping them down as quickly as possible. -Note to self ask what that delivery fee covers.

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Wayne The Great

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These Hunks were awesome!

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DJ unloading the car.

Love is Enough

On May 11th I turned 31 years old. It’s a weird age. An age where you are definitely an adult but where you still haven’t figured this thing called life all the way out. It also started out as my saddest birthday in a very long time. I went through a very unexpected loss and I had been going through my days in a fugue state. On a roller coaster of self induced highs and lows. As a result of those highs and lows I didn’t have anything planned for my birthday.

I should’ve probably started with a bit of background. As an adult I have enjoyed every single one of my birthdays to their absolute fullest. From week long vacations in beach houses to trips out of the country. Spa days in Atlanta to club nights in New York City. No matter what I do for the rest of the year, for my birthday I LIVE. I don’t just celebrate on the days surrounding my birthday, no, not me. I am the Princess of Everything so of course, I celebrate the entire month. It is a well documented fact and most of the people closest to me sit back and wait to watch the fireworks happen.

So this year, my thirty first sun journey starts to approach and people begin to ask. “Hey, What are you doing for Princess’s dirty 31st?” “When should I expect to be penciled in for dinner?” “Which country are you visiting this year birthday girl?” My answer each time is a big fat nothing. I had planned to lay in my backyard in a hammock and drink the weekend away.

Thankfully my best friend planned  me a birthday dinner with some of my closest friends at my favorite restaurant. The night was all love and though I didn’t end my night dancing until my knees hurt I went to bed with a heart full of love. Honestly this year that full heart was worth more than all the fancy drinks in all of the exotic places.

Monday was my actual birthday and in typical internet fashion my social media sites exploded with well wishes. On Mic.com there is an article discussing etiquette for the birthday wishes people receive on Facebook. There was one suggestion that people should take their birthday dates off of Facebook. Your true friends will remember and you won’t have to worry about all of the other people who only wish you a happy birthday because the site reminds them that it’s your birthday. I call bull shit on that. People wish you a Happy Birthday because they want you to have one not just because Facebook reminds them that it’s your birthday.

There was another user who stated “I take the literal 3 minutes to “like” them and THEN I write back to people who went beyond the generic “HBD” I care about these people.” Like this person I deeply care about those people. Especially because this year I didn’t just get wishes to have an awesome birthday. I recieved paragraphs about the effects that I have on people’s lives.

You go through life trying to do the right thing, trying to be  a good person, and you don’t even realize that people are noticing. Or that they not only notice, they respect you for who you are. They love you more for it. This year my friends and family said things about me that spoke to my soul. I took pictures of all of the comments that they left to look at when I’m having a bad day or when I feel unloved. This year on my birthday I received the gift of love and it is enough. It is more than enough.

I’ve included some of the messages that I received. Some were too personal for public sharing but I will cherish them just as much:

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Sheree L Greer and I at Fantastic Ekphrastic

Sheree L Greer and I at Fantastic Ekphrastic

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Sorry, I’m Not Sorry.

For almost thirty years I have been apologizing because I feel things. As if there is something wrong with feeling things. As if emotions are wrong. Although I will admit that I’m well aware of the fact that having a uterus places me at a serious disadvantage when it comes to making decisions or being reasonable, so being emotional on top of those two things is one disadvantage too many. (If you missed it that was SARCASM) But starting today if you expect me to apologize for feeling things: Fuck you, I’m not sorry for my emotions.

I often apologize or feel ashamed whenever I’m not feeling my best. I have been conditioned to think that I should always be grateful and never focus on the ill feelings that I’m feeling. This isn’t good advice. You can not move on from a break up, a lost job, or whatever else ails you if you don’t accept and deal with the fact that that loss has hurt you. Loss or failure can cause grief and if you feel grief you should be allowed to go through the stages at your own pace. I hate when I hear someone dismiss someone else’s feelings by saying “You broke up with him two months ago, when are you going to move on.” Is there a time limit for mourning that I’m not aware of? I might have missed that day in Home Economics.

Today I had a thirty minute conversation about the perks of being able to turn your emotions off and make decisions. I do think that it is important to be able to continue to function in the midst of an emotionally challenging situation but I don’t see the benefit of being a robot. If my heart is broken then my heart is fucking broken. I shouldn’t be expected to not cry. It doesn’t appeal to me to have people say to me “Oh Adrien you’re an artist and a writer you wear your heart on your sleeve.” while brushing aside the fact that I’m upset.

It isn’t really beneficial for anyone to have their emotions dismissed. Emotions are a part of being human. Shit, according to Prince even Doves cry.

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A few rules of dealing with your emotions:

You should be grateful for the good things in life even if you feel like there aren’t many good things left. Especially if you feel like there aren’t many good things left.

Be as positive as possible. The Universe will give you what you’re attracting.

It’s not appropriate to allow your emotions to interrupt other people’s space. Don’t force others to ride the emotional roller coaster with you.

It is not appropriate to think that you shouldn’t have to complete your employee duties, motherly duties, or any other duties that you are responsible for.

It is totally appropriate to feel your emotions. Yell, Scream, CRY, lay still.. do whatever you need to do to let your emotions out so that you can move on.

If you can’t control your emotions enough in order to function seek outside help.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR FUCKING EMOTIONS.

Photo credit: Ambivalentlyyours on Tumblr

I Feel Blessed

Today I was reminded that I need to pull my head out of my ass and acknowledge my blessings. There are so many people around me that would kill for the life I live and so many days I forget to acknowledge how truly blessed I am. I forget that all of the little nuisances of life don’t matter five minutes after they happen. During my drive home from work being cut off in traffic doesn’t even cross my mind as I chatter away to my best friend in NJ. Had this same thing happened yesterday it would have probably pissed me off beyond belief.

I used to do a gratitude list everyday but of course as with most things, I got away from that. Even though I know I was a happier person when I was acknowledging my blessings on a daily basis. I don’t know if I will actually create a list but I’m definitely going to set aside a few minutes everyday to say thank you for my blessings. Try it. You might realize that you have more to be thankful for than you think.

I feel blessed way up…

Today I am grateful for my healthy child.

That all of my siblings are still on Earth so that hatchets can actually be buried.

Nettie is still making her own decisions.

People who genuinely care about my well being.

AB Facetimed me so that I could see the Sea Lions on the Beach in CA.

Smart Phones so that I can actually see Sea Lions on a beach 50/11 miles away.

Life. All of it. Good Bad and Otherwise.

FUCK. It’s my favorite word!

You. Someone who reads these words that I string together. A writer’s greatest wish is to be read.IMG_3384