High Quality Problems

April 2, 20182 Comments

Feels like,

I can’t find an employee to save my life

Like they all lying

won’t tell you the last place let them go cause they got a problem

that sometimes those problems show up in the middle of the day for no good god damned reason

Like they all wanna be paid $2,673, 412.18 just to show up

mostly on time

won’t look you in the eye when you ask simple questions

you just own the place

just can’t relate

just never had to work from paycheck to paycheck

got no clue how to make a dollar stretch

like yo back don’t ache

like you don’t sometime when it’s cold pay them, cash yo check and put it right back in to cover theirs

like what’s a weekend

the time you spend scouring the internet looking for qualified employees

who only gon’ look down on you

you young/black/girl

can’t possibly know shit

also, who gave you this place: your daddy. your husband. you had to sleep with somebody

Like, you ain’t had enough problems

couldn’t figure out your place in this world

decided to make your own

decided to depend on the honest and talented hands of men who got more problems than a little bit

Like, can’t talk to nobody

who gon understand

who ain’t listening to you thinking you are lucky they showed up

who aint judging you for discussing yo high quality problems

Feels like,

I can’t find an employee to save my life

wouldn’t trade it for the world

wouldn’t wish my high quality problems on no body

specially if they needed it to save theirs

2/30

I’m Terrified

April 9, 2017April 9, 20172 Comments

I’m terrified

Of Love

Of the way it changes everything.

Builds them into crescendos

Then drop kicks them into black holes millions of light years away.

I’m terrified

Of people.

Their ability to make you feel things.

To love you.

To stop loving you.

To suffocate you with their love until you no longer resemble the person they loved in the first place.

I’m terrified

Of art. Of my heart. Of artists and surgeons and architects. Of brilliance. Of passion. Of everyone finding out that I have absolutely no idea about anything or anyone.

I’m terrified.

Of change. Of nothing ever changing. Of words. And the world. Of light and sound. Of sounds. Especially laughter. Especially the laughter of the ones I love.

I’m terrified

Of the ones I love. Of lost. Of possibility. Of brilliance. Of mattering. Of pain. Of my restrictions. Of myself. Of people who say shit like “there’s nothing to fear except fear itself.” When I’m so terrified of every single thing, especially fear itself.
9/30 I have been writing every day I’m just terrified of sharing certain pieces. I’m only sharing this one because I’m terrified. #NaPoMo

The Thing I’m Obsessed With.

January 30, 2017January 30, 2017Leave a comment

Friday was the Book Release Party for my new Poetry Book Brownish Green Female Sheep. It was my first book release so I have nothing to compare it to but to me it was the most amazing Book Release ever. The venue, Ybor City Barbering Company Barbershop and Bar, was beyond perfect. The atmosphere was ELECTRIC. My best friend since 7th grade snuck in the night before which made the night even more special and I was surrounded by friends, family, and associates, the majority of whom all bought the book!!

I was on cloud nine the entire time. Electric from my frazzled nerves and the endless supply of Mimosas the fabulous bartender kept sending my way. My wife, in true AB fashion ensured that the guests were having a great time, my best friend managed me and the book purchases, Sheree L. Greer my mentor/dear dear friend/cohost along with the ridiculously talented Samira Obied hosted the show in epic fashion. So when I tell you that it was the dope show, I mean that in all caps. DOPE SHOW!

I don’t know that I would’ve asked for anything more… Except while taking pictures with my family one of my brothers said to me, “you’re fat you need to work out.” To which I replied “I work out at least twice a week”. To which another sibling replied “you need to work out more than that.” I’m not going to go into anything about how I don’t need their help to lose weight, how I’m struggling with candida, or how neither of them is an authority on weight loss. I’m just not.

For some background, I’m the oldest child and my siblings don’t really know about my eating disorder. They don’t even really know me like that. So I’m not even mad at them for saying what they said. They don’t know how I hate my body most days. How I work out with my trainer and feel super happy with my progress until I stand in front of the mirror naked. They hadn’t read the book so while they knew that the book was about love, they don’t know that the longest poem in the book is dedicated to Anna. One of my most secret friends. Or she was, I haven’t seen her in years, though I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about her daily.

They don’t know. They couldn’t know. So I don’t fault them for taking one of the best days of my life and dampening it a little by talking about my weight, they’re humans, and one thing that humans are good at is offering criticisms and critiques as if we would die without doing so. But, If I had one wish, it would be that we as a society stopped commenting on things like weight. We have no idea what the other person is truly struggling with.

If you or someone you know is struggling with food obsession you can speak with someone in your local community or at Eating Disorder Hope.

To read Anna You can purchase Brownish Green Female Sheep from my publisher Vital Narrative Press or from Amazon.

It’s Not Easy Being Me

December 18, 2015Leave a comment

It’s not easy being me.

Some days I don’t want to be me.

Sometimes the burden of proof is too heavy. Too hard. Too exhausting.

You get tired of explaining that your intentions are pure.

That you’re not angry.

Not a bitch.

That you’re happy. And loving. And caring. But you can have all the actions to support those things and people will still see the versions of you that they want to see.

Chocolate Memories

October 29, 2015October 29, 20152 Comments

Chocolate Memories

I still remember the moment I saw her.

Her lips cherry frozen cup red,

Skin chocolate covered mocha brown

like a worn out penny,

Beautiful and nappy headed.

I loved her from the cinnamon of her eyes,

To the chipped polish on her fingertips,

From her lopsided ponytails,

to the scuffed toe of her converse.

Double Dutch champion.

Taught me how to spell:

M. I. crooked letter crooked letter.

I would’ve married her that summer

And she would’ve been the best wife I ever had

But summers end to soon

Before loveburns thoroughly heal.

Live Out Loud

June 10, 2015Leave a comment

Live Out Loud

I don’t wear a watch because I march to the beat of my own drum.

That’s not to say I don’t respect other people’s time.

I do.

But in my mind:

There are no clocks.

There is no time.

There are no limits except the ones you’re imposing upon your self.

Stop.

Love.

Live.

Be free.

You don’t have to have it all figured out today or next week.
You have your whole life ahead of you.

So stop with all the planning

The “by 25 I’m going to be here”

“By 29 I would have accomplished all of this”

“By 35 I’m going to be that.”

Stop

Stop doing that

And start doing it

Start living,

start giving,

Stop and smell the roses.

Run a foot race down the street in your bare feet.

Plant a tree.

Kiss some chick you do not know.

Fuck any and everybody you want to fuck.

-use protection-

Just do it.
Do the whole world a favor;

Stop planning it out and start living out loud.

Things I wish 25 year old me had known.

To Know Me Is to Love Me But You Don’t Know Me

May 7, 2015May 7, 20153 Comments

I am not your fucking Martyr for girls who make it out the hood. Am Not-Look how far she made it./ That shit you see on Facebook is Cliff Notes.

Do not fall in love with the me of Instagram Pics and Twitter Quotes. You could not possibly know me from hugs given at Open Mics.

It is not flattering to hear you spout my praises from your throat with someone else’s words.

I am not soft. Not Easy. I am Rose’s thorns and slip knots.

You have no clue of the nights I cried because I did not know where I was in the city I have lived in for twelve years. Have not bore witness to viscous rants or the time I broke the window out my ex-girlfriend’s car.

Sure I have grown. Have no desire to hurt those who hurt me but all that stuff is a part of me. Like penny candies and loosies. Salt water taffy and blue crabs.

You think you’re attracted to the fire and ice that flows throw my veins but you shouldn’t get too close. Everyone granted a close up has failed to stay the course. Do not think you are any different.

Do not attempt to appease me with your pleas of love. To know me is to love me which is something that you don’t.

It is not something that I am even requesting of you. Not expected. Not admired. Not even frowned upon.

I have no interest in being loved for my wittiness nor my prettiness. Could care less if you like the way I laugh. You are falling in love with things that can not be guaranteed making your love undependable and the last thing that I need is false promises.

Aspirations

January 12, 2015January 12, 2015Leave a comment

When I was five I wanted to be a Ballerina, and a Princess, and I wanted to learn to swim so that I could be an oceanographer and swim with the dolphins.

And when I was ten I wanted to be a fashion model, and a dermatologist so I could fix my brother’s skin, and to be the most beautiful bride ever.

At 17 I only wanted to be able to go with my friends to the movies and not be able to relate to the woman on the screen who had just gotten violated and was no longer whole.

I didn’t wanna be a tragedy.

Now I’m 30 and over the years I took enough ballet classes to be considered a ballerina, had my picture in enough magazines to be considered a model, learned enough about hygiene moisturizing and diet to call myself a dermatologist.

Learned to swim. -Went to sea world.-Swam with dolphins.-Oceanographer.

And I am a Princess.

And

In the very near future when I marry my GIRLfriend in her eyes I WILL be the prettiest bride ever.

I am funny and I am smart and I am loved and I am accomplished but no matter how much I accomplish I will never be WHOLE.

I wasn’t going to share this poem today but every time I see a picture of Bill Cosby circulating I think of all the women who wanted to be an actress, then wanted to act opposite Bill Cosby, and then wanted to not have been violated by Bill Cosby… and I think how fucking awful it must be to have to have gone through something as traumatic as this then to have millions of people chiming in throwing in reasons why this just DID not happen to them. Or stating that if it did it’s only being used now as some sort of conspiracy to bring down an icon.

No, I wasn’t there but I vowed at a very early age to believe the victim because I personally know how many people don’t believe the victim and how that makes you feel. How it feels when the police ask you the same questions over and over again because how could he possibly know what tv show you were watching and why would he leave his naked wife for a child. I remember the times I pondered being dead over having to look at my father in the face knowing that he believed that I was just a fast tailed little girl instead of someone who went to sleep and woke up with a man who was supposed to be on top of his naked adult wife, already on top of and inside of her.

Rapists, molesters, predators, and abusers come in all shapes and sizes. Many of them are married and in high profile positions. They are your teachers, your police officers, your pastors, your dentists, and some of them are even your favorite jello pudding pushers.

You Are Worthy- For Porsche

January 8, 2015January 8, 2015Leave a comment

I wanted you to know your worth

To understand that since birth you had not been cursed

That you, you are one of the greatest gifts of Earth

And that your appraisal is tied closer to your ability to lead over 300 people away from oppression, prevent genocide, break glass ceilings, lift cars off of children, and rewrite history, all while barely receiving acknowledgement

You are not a mistake you are too many exquisite details to be a mistake

Mistakes,

if that is in fact what you think you are

are the true wonders of the world and how could something so wonderful

So magnificent

So glorious

Ever

ever be a mistake

And I wish that you knew how

fucking glorious you are

Segway I recently found out that the reason why men have nipples is because a penis is actually a mistake at conception

are

all

women

So the next time someone tells you some bullshit ass story about you being some mans rib

You open your mouth and you smile wide with all of your teeth

Smile so wide that they have to put on their shades in order to engage with you As they well should any way because even diamonds left in the middays sunlight don’t shine as bright as your presence

I want you to know your worth

To realize your strength

To know how bright your light shines

To realize that you are somebody

And maybe you need to go back to the old days

Write it on your mirror or get new school and tattoo it on your chest right above your zodiac sign

And say it to yourself everyday

Frontwards and backwards

I am somebody

Somebody I am

Until not only you but the whole world recognizes just how exquisite you really are

You are a super star

And you don’t have to be a Barbie, a bad bitch, a drop hoe, or anyone’s ride or die to prove this

You don’t even have to prove it

You just have to simply

Know

ADJP

AuthenticallyAdrien

Everything that pertains to being as me as I can possibly be.

Category: Poetry

High Quality Problems

I’m Terrified

The Thing I’m Obsessed With.

It’s Not Easy Being Me

Chocolate Memories

Live Out Loud

To Know Me Is to Love Me But You Don’t Know Me

Aspirations

You Are Worthy- For Porsche

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: