Innanet Friends

Tell your new boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/ baby mama

Dat,

You got an innanet friend who low-key got they shit together

be sliding in your DMS saying shit like:

Yasss,

You  Betta,

You got this,

You matter,

Yo I aint seen you on the internet in a few, you good?

Where can I cop?

That ya’ll aint probably never ever met irl but if you ask she’ll likely slide you 20 til payday/pay your electric bill on her credit card unless she saving up to help somebody else

That she be sharing your shit, commenting, tagging folks to see your art work

All out of some weird sense of community

Expecting nothing in return

Cept for you to be good, keep your problematic levels to a low, and win.

Tell your new boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/ baby mama

Dat,

You got an innanet friend who only wanna see everybody win.

 

 

Live Out Loud

Live Out Loud

I don’t wear a watch because I march to the beat of my own drum.

That’s not to say I don’t respect other people’s time. 

I do. 

But in my mind:

There are no clocks. 

There is no time. 

There are no limits except the ones you’re imposing upon your self. 

Stop. 

Love. 

Live. 

Be free. 

You don’t have to have it all figured out today or next week. 
You have your whole life ahead of you. 

So stop with all the planning

The “by 25 I’m going to be here”

“By 29 I would have accomplished all of this”

“By 35 I’m going to be that.”

Stop

Stop

Stop doing that

And start doing it

Start living, 

start giving, 

Stop and smell the roses.

Run a foot race down the street in your bare feet.

Plant a tree.

Kiss some chick you do not know.

Fuck any and everybody you want to fuck.

-use protection-

Just do it.
Do the whole world a favor; 

Stop planning it out and start living out loud.  

 Things I wish 25 year old me had known.

I Feel Blessed

Today I was reminded that I need to pull my head out of my ass and acknowledge my blessings. There are so many people around me that would kill for the life I live and so many days I forget to acknowledge how truly blessed I am. I forget that all of the little nuisances of life don’t matter five minutes after they happen. During my drive home from work being cut off in traffic doesn’t even cross my mind as I chatter away to my best friend in NJ. Had this same thing happened yesterday it would have probably pissed me off beyond belief.

I used to do a gratitude list everyday but of course as with most things, I got away from that. Even though I know I was a happier person when I was acknowledging my blessings on a daily basis. I don’t know if I will actually create a list but I’m definitely going to set aside a few minutes everyday to say thank you for my blessings. Try it. You might realize that you have more to be thankful for than you think.

I feel blessed way up…

Today I am grateful for my healthy child.

That all of my siblings are still on Earth so that hatchets can actually be buried.

Nettie is still making her own decisions.

People who genuinely care about my well being.

AB Facetimed me so that I could see the Sea Lions on the Beach in CA.

Smart Phones so that I can actually see Sea Lions on a beach 50/11 miles away.

Life. All of it. Good Bad and Otherwise.

FUCK. It’s my favorite word!

You. Someone who reads these words that I string together. A writer’s greatest wish is to be read.IMG_3384

Day 2 NaBloPoMo MAY 2015

Today I awoke with the plan to be happy. When you tell the Universe your intentions it provides so I quickly realized that if I intended to be happy I had to think like Nike and Just Do It. I turned on my music and set about performing my Sunday ritual. For some weird reason Sunday is the day I clean and prepare for my week. I haven’t been doing that for quite sometime so I went back to my tried and true. Lo and behold my morning was off to a happy start.

Darian hasn’t been cooking like he used to and being that I decided to be happy I wasn’t too surprised when he called me in to the dining room and pretty much demanded that I sit down with him and have breakfast. I literally forgot how well he cooked. I ate everything he put on my plate including the BACON!

After breakfast he and I went about cleaning and talking like we used to. The only thing missing was AB and though her presence would have made today complete, our morning was pretty great.

Yesterday while I was house hunting online I found this property that I really liked. When I went over to my friends house I discovered that the house was right next door to hers. Of course I had my realtor arrange for me to view it today and I put in an offer. I’m claiming it! I deserve it.

Gratitude List 05/03/15

Bacon

Dopeass people who instantly get you Aka my new realtor.

Sunday mornings with The Kid

Hammocks in sunny yards, wine, and books.

Warrior women.

Prepaving

positive intentions

Front Porch Grill in Seminole Heights

New Nephews

Resilience

Random Pics of things that made me happy today:

imageimageimageimageimage

Formal Notice

Formal Notice

I’m willing to move my ribs to the side for you.
Pluck open my back and give you pieces of my spine so that you can stand up straighter.
Invite you to have the pick of the draw when choosing my shoulders.

Choose wisely.

I want you to be properly prepared as you carry the weight of the world. You’ve been doing it alone for so long and two heads are better than one.

Three shoulders are better than two.

I would give you my heart but I need it. Couldn’t give you pieces of me so unequivocally without it. But I’ll give you a kidney,
sliver of my liver,
part of my lungs,
I would give you my tongue if only I knew you would use it to just speak up.

Why don’t you ever just speak up?

Why don’t I just speak up?
There’s an old saying advising people to do unto others as you’d have them do to you.

But what if you’ve given others your Milky Way and half of your stars out of the goodness of your heart and they can barely part with a kind word?

What then?

What do I do when I’ve shown you that I’m willing to give you more than half of all of me and I realize that you can’t be bothered to do the same?

What then?
What if I changed.
Gave to the world an exact replica of whatever it is that the world has given to me?

Dear World,

I taught you how to treat me. Accepted your bullshit even though I was allergic to it. Even though I knew it for exactly what it was.
But things have got to change. I can not continue to dry out my oceans to fill your river beds when you wouldn’t offer me a cold drink if it required too much work. Consider this my formal notice that the old ways are done.
And when you start to notice don’t be surprised.

Remember,
you already done been told.

Books Over Beerpong… Beer Pong… Whatever

Books over BeerPong. I’m the girl sitting in a corner at a party reading her book. Occasionally lowering it to respond to some inane question or to throw my two cents in to some random topic that I may or may not care about. Or to scope the scene. One must always be aware of their surroundings. Particularly if there is beer involved.

Should I be engaging with the people surrounding me? Many would say yes, me… I don’t really know. If my only reason for engaging is because others expect it or demand it of me then what’s the purpose. In that instance my participation isn’t genuine.

The older I get the more I want to be authentically me. The more I want to be around people who accept and understand the Authentic me.

I will no longer feel bad about being who I am. I will no longer surround myself with those who make me feel bad for being authentically me.

Some protests are silent. images

A Sunday in August

Eight years ago I met the love of my life. We became really good friends because in my head I was already with the love of my life. Throughout the years Ashley and I would remain friends going on occasional dates to catch up in between whoever was our most recent or current love of our life. Last July she called me and wanted to know if I would date her exclusively. I was excited but I didn’t think it would pan out to be much more than a few dates where we would catch up, enjoy each other’s time, and decide that now wasn’t OUR time; again. We would remain great friends and I would complain to my two best friends how I couldn’t find true love because no one would ever compare to Ashley. She was the ruler that everyone needed to measure up to. Honest to a fault, funny, sexy, and so positive. She made me better.

So much for great expectations and all that jazz. In her head this was our time and I would be her wife. I found out that we were in a relationship in my sleep as she told some guy that I was her partner. Excitement of what this time was for us began to set in. I told to myself OK it’s finally happening, I’m in a relationship with Ashley and life is grand. We move in together, we begin to build a life, and I am as happy as a bee on it’s favorite flower. After a while we begin to discuss marriage and I know that a proposal is coming soon. In fact being the control freak that I am, I have decided that the proposal is going to happen when we go to Italy for vacation.

My best friend and I begin to concoct a plan where I’m going to look perfect the entire time; my nails are going to be perfect, my outfits are going to be perfect, and I will never be without lipgloss. (A girl must always be prepared for the marriage proposal by the true love of her life.) I’m planning with my best friend how to be properly prepared for my proposal while Ashley is planning with my best friend how to throw me the perfect surprise proposal/engagement party.

So much for plans and all that jazz. My hair was perfect; before we spent a day at the beach and any natural haired woman who gets her hair straightened will tell you that the day at the beach is the end of straight hair. My nails were ok but they were far from perfect but this was fine by me really, because all that I had planned for Sunday was Brunch with some of the people from her networking group. So after the beach in go the two strand twists. A twist out is perfect for brunch… I should’ve caught on when she kept asking me what I was doing to my hair, what I was wearing, etc, etc… but I didn’t. As a matter of fact I didn’t even catch on when the people started dancing to OUR songs in front of our table. I totally believed her when she said that they did this often.

I’m glad that I didn’t know, that I wasn’t in control and properly prepared, img_2316that my hair wasn’t perfect, and that I totally would’ve worn a different outfit had I been aware. And I’m glad that it happened on a Sunday in August amongst all of my sneaky friends.

 

Photo Credit: Christy Marie Photography

Video Credit: Rokosz Studios