Tag: #family

Adrien’s Adventures in Home Ownership 07.18.15

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I did it!!!!

Last Thursday I achieved one of the things that a large number of Americans want to achieve: I purchased my first home. It’s been a very interesting process. I’ve had what seems like millions of conversations with various home owners and none of those conversations prepared me for this journey. It has been surreal.

Today was moving day. I can’t even count the amount of times that I have moved over the years but moving into your forever home has a vastly different feel than the feelings of moving into a new apartment. I woke up at five am and begin flitting through the house excitedly while I waited for my movers to arrive.

Moving day taught me a few things:

No matter how much you prepare you will forget something.

– Usually one of the most important things on your list. In my case it was the power drill which I really needed to drill the legs onto my new couches and toilet bowl cleanser.

There are some amazing people in this world.

– The College Hunks who moved my junk actually took the time to help my son assemble our mailbox before rushing off until their next appointment. My electrician helped DJ assemble the couches after discovering that we didn’t have a drill. He moved the power cord for the stove so that he could push the stove back making it flush with the wall. He also made the stove level after discovering that the Sear’s delivery men basically dropped the items off, did the bare minimum, and high tailed it out of here.

Some people are only looking to do the bare minimum.

– I  had two deliveries from Sears today, a mattress for the master bedroom, and a refrigerator and stove. Both times the delivery guys came in, placed my items down as quickly as possible, and jetted out after getting quick signatures. What they don’t know is I had planned to tip all of them. They didn’t get the gratuity because they didn’t deserve it but also because I barely had time to ask questions before they ran away. Maybe they had busy schedules. Maybe they wanted to get home to their families. Either way a few extra minutes would’ve equaled  a few extra dollars in their pockets.

Those dollars ended up with the most deserving person though: My electrician. I forgot to mention that he straightened my doorknob (unscrewed the knob and made it level) because it was slightly off-center and “Getting on my last nerve. You may not notice it but I do.” There are definitely angels on this earth.

FLEAS: I have found at least six fleas in this house. I know they didn’t come from the new furniture. We noticed a few before the deliveries started arriving and kind of brushed it off but after everything was situated and we sat down to eat we noticed a few more. We don’t have carpets, or animals, and we didn’t have any at the other house. I also didn’t notice them during any of my walk throughs, during the inspection, or any of the other times that I have been to this house. I have no idea where they came from but I do know that I can’t call the office and request pest control. I am officially maintenance, security, pest control, the manager, and all other duties that arise.

*CHALLENGE ACCEPTED*

Lastly I was reminded that if you don’t freak out at the first sign of trouble you can think clearly and the Universe will provide for you as it always does. I needed to be at both houses today on three different occasions and between pushing the car to the speed limit, awesome repair and installation people, and great timing I managed to meet every delivery person, be here long enough for every installation, and manage the movers at both houses. Most of these things were happening at two places simultaneously.

*Cues I am a God*

Stay tuned, I’m tired and I feel like I’m rambling but I plan to keep you guys updated on this home ownership journey.

Special Thanks to College Hunks Hauling Junk, Wayne the electrician, and Verizon for the superb patience and way above and beyond service. And to Kelly Parks of Keller Realty for the gift card that helped me purchase my stove and refrigerator.

Also to my neighbor slash homey/lover/friend Mo for coming through with the flea bombs. Something tells me where there are six there are more.

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My plant Alice. I named her after my great grandmother. Keep your ancestors close. They help ground you.

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College Hunks do more than just haul junk.

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How many people does it take to put together a mailbox? At least five.

Wayne the electrician.

Wayne the electrician.

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New fridge and stove from Sears Outlet.

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DJ would you like to use a drill?

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Delivery equals bringing items to your home and plopping them down as quickly as possible. -Note to self ask what that delivery fee covers.

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Wayne The Great

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These Hunks were awesome!

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DJ unloading the car.

Love is Enough

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On May 11th I turned 31 years old. It’s a weird age. An age where you are definitely an adult but where you still haven’t figured this thing called life all the way out. It also started out as my saddest birthday in a very long time. I went through a very unexpected loss and I had been going through my days in a fugue state. On a roller coaster of self induced highs and lows. As a result of those highs and lows I didn’t have anything planned for my birthday.

I should’ve probably started with a bit of background. As an adult I have enjoyed every single one of my birthdays to their absolute fullest. From week long vacations in beach houses to trips out of the country. Spa days in Atlanta to club nights in New York City. No matter what I do for the rest of the year, for my birthday I LIVE. I don’t just celebrate on the days surrounding my birthday, no, not me. I am the Princess of Everything so of course, I celebrate the entire month. It is a well documented fact and most of the people closest to me sit back and wait to watch the fireworks happen.

So this year, my thirty first sun journey starts to approach and people begin to ask. “Hey, What are you doing for Princess’s dirty 31st?” “When should I expect to be penciled in for dinner?” “Which country are you visiting this year birthday girl?” My answer each time is a big fat nothing. I had planned to lay in my backyard in a hammock and drink the weekend away.

Thankfully my best friend planned  me a birthday dinner with some of my closest friends at my favorite restaurant. The night was all love and though I didn’t end my night dancing until my knees hurt I went to bed with a heart full of love. Honestly this year that full heart was worth more than all the fancy drinks in all of the exotic places.

Monday was my actual birthday and in typical internet fashion my social media sites exploded with well wishes. On Mic.com there is an article discussing etiquette for the birthday wishes people receive on Facebook. There was one suggestion that people should take their birthday dates off of Facebook. Your true friends will remember and you won’t have to worry about all of the other people who only wish you a happy birthday because the site reminds them that it’s your birthday. I call bull shit on that. People wish you a Happy Birthday because they want you to have one not just because Facebook reminds them that it’s your birthday.

There was another user who stated “I take the literal 3 minutes to “like” them and THEN I write back to people who went beyond the generic “HBD” I care about these people.” Like this person I deeply care about those people. Especially because this year I didn’t just get wishes to have an awesome birthday. I recieved paragraphs about the effects that I have on people’s lives.

You go through life trying to do the right thing, trying to be  a good person, and you don’t even realize that people are noticing. Or that they not only notice, they respect you for who you are. They love you more for it. This year my friends and family said things about me that spoke to my soul. I took pictures of all of the comments that they left to look at when I’m having a bad day or when I feel unloved. This year on my birthday I received the gift of love and it is enough. It is more than enough.

I’ve included some of the messages that I received. Some were too personal for public sharing but I will cherish them just as much:

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Sheree L Greer and I at Fantastic Ekphrastic

Sheree L Greer and I at Fantastic Ekphrastic

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I Feel Blessed

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Today I was reminded that I need to pull my head out of my ass and acknowledge my blessings. There are so many people around me that would kill for the life I live and so many days I forget to acknowledge how truly blessed I am. I forget that all of the little nuisances of life don’t matter five minutes after they happen. During my drive home from work being cut off in traffic doesn’t even cross my mind as I chatter away to my best friend in NJ. Had this same thing happened yesterday it would have probably pissed me off beyond belief.

I used to do a gratitude list everyday but of course as with most things, I got away from that. Even though I know I was a happier person when I was acknowledging my blessings on a daily basis. I don’t know if I will actually create a list but I’m definitely going to set aside a few minutes everyday to say thank you for my blessings. Try it. You might realize that you have more to be thankful for than you think.

I feel blessed way up…

Today I am grateful for my healthy child.

That all of my siblings are still on Earth so that hatchets can actually be buried.

Nettie is still making her own decisions.

People who genuinely care about my well being.

AB Facetimed me so that I could see the Sea Lions on the Beach in CA.

Smart Phones so that I can actually see Sea Lions on a beach 50/11 miles away.

Life. All of it. Good Bad and Otherwise.

FUCK. It’s my favorite word!

You. Someone who reads these words that I string together. A writer’s greatest wish is to be read.IMG_3384

Day 2 NaBloPoMo MAY 2015

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Today I awoke with the plan to be happy. When you tell the Universe your intentions it provides so I quickly realized that if I intended to be happy I had to think like Nike and Just Do It. I turned on my music and set about performing my Sunday ritual. For some weird reason Sunday is the day I clean and prepare for my week. I haven’t been doing that for quite sometime so I went back to my tried and true. Lo and behold my morning was off to a happy start.

Darian hasn’t been cooking like he used to and being that I decided to be happy I wasn’t too surprised when he called me in to the dining room and pretty much demanded that I sit down with him and have breakfast. I literally forgot how well he cooked. I ate everything he put on my plate including the BACON!

After breakfast he and I went about cleaning and talking like we used to. The only thing missing was AB and though her presence would have made today complete, our morning was pretty great.

Yesterday while I was house hunting online I found this property that I really liked. When I went over to my friends house I discovered that the house was right next door to hers. Of course I had my realtor arrange for me to view it today and I put in an offer. I’m claiming it! I deserve it.

Gratitude List 05/03/15

Bacon

Dopeass people who instantly get you Aka my new realtor.

Sunday mornings with The Kid

Hammocks in sunny yards, wine, and books.

Warrior women.

Prepaving

positive intentions

Front Porch Grill in Seminole Heights

New Nephews

Resilience

Random Pics of things that made me happy today:

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Aspirations

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When I was five I wanted to be a Ballerina, and a Princess, and I wanted to learn to swim so that I could be an oceanographer and swim with the dolphins.

And when I was ten I wanted to be a fashion model, and a dermatologist so I could fix my brother’s skin, and to be the most beautiful bride ever.

At 17 I only wanted to be able to go with my friends to the movies and not be able to relate to the woman on the screen who had just gotten violated and was no longer whole.

I didn’t wanna be a tragedy.

Now I’m 30  and over the years I took enough ballet classes to be considered a ballerina, had my picture in enough magazines to be considered a model, learned enough about hygiene moisturizing and diet to call myself a dermatologist.

Learned to swim. -Went to sea world.-Swam with dolphins.-Oceanographer.

And I am a Princess.
And
In the very near future when I marry my GIRLfriend in her eyes I WILL be the prettiest bride ever.

I am funny and I am smart and I am loved and I am accomplished but no matter how much I accomplish I will never be WHOLE.

I wasn’t going to share this poem today but every time I see a picture of Bill Cosby circulating I think of all the women who wanted to be an actress, then wanted to act opposite Bill Cosby, and then wanted to not have been violated by Bill Cosby… and I think how fucking awful it must be to have to have gone through something as traumatic as this then to have millions of people chiming in throwing in reasons why this just DID not happen to them. Or stating that if it did it’s only being used now as some sort of conspiracy to bring down an icon.

No, I wasn’t there but I vowed at a very early age to believe the victim because I personally know how many people don’t believe the victim and how that makes you feel. How it feels when the police ask you the same questions over and over again because how could he possibly know what tv show you were watching and why would he leave his naked wife for a child. I remember the times I pondered being dead over having to look at my father in the face knowing that he believed that I was just a fast tailed little girl instead of someone who went to sleep and woke up with a man who was supposed to be on top of his naked adult wife, already on top of and inside of her.

Rapists, molesters, predators, and abusers come in all shapes and sizes. Many of them are married and in high profile positions. They are your teachers, your police officers, your pastors, your dentists, and some of them are even your favorite jello pudding pushers.

You Are Worthy- For Porsche

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I wanted you to know your worth

To understand that since birth you had not been cursed
That you, you are one of the greatest gifts of Earth
And that your appraisal is tied closer to your ability to lead over 300 people away from oppression,  prevent genocide, break glass ceilings, lift cars off of children, and rewrite history, all while barely receiving acknowledgement

 You are not a mistake you are too many exquisite details to be a mistake

Mistakes,
if that is in fact what you think you are
are the true wonders of the world and how could something so wonderful
So magnificent
So glorious
Ever
ever be a mistake
And I wish that you knew how
fucking glorious you are
Segway I recently found out that the reason why men have nipples is because a penis is actually a mistake at conception
we
are
all
women
So the next time someone tells you some bullshit ass story about you being some mans rib
You open your mouth and you smile wide with all of your teeth
Smile so wide that they have to put on their shades in order to engage with you As they well should any way because even diamonds left in the middays sunlight don’t shine as bright as your presence
I want you to know your worth
To realize your strength
To know how bright your light shines
To realize that you are somebody
And maybe you need to go back to the old days
Write it on your mirror or get new school and tattoo it on your chest right above your zodiac sign
And say it to yourself everyday
Frontwards and backwards
I am somebody
Somebody I am
Until not only you but the whole world recognizes just how exquisite you really are
You are a super star
And you don’t have to be a Barbie, a bad bitch, a drop hoe, or anyone’s ride or die to prove this
You don’t even have to prove it
You just have to simply
Know
ADJP

A Change of Shift

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It is pretty much a guarantee that as we age those who were caregivers will trade places with those who were formerly in their care. The child becomes the “parent” is a phrase that I’ve heard frequently throughout my nursing career. I’ve actually uttered it on more than one occasion while trying to help someone cope with the change of roles between they and their parents. Of course I knew that my day would eventually come but no matter how much you think about a thing you’re never fully ready when it happens.

My grandmother means more to me than most people in life. She has been so much to me throughout my life. My confidante, parent, role model, best friend, doctor, masseuse and the list goes on. The one person who I can tell anything without worrying about feeling any kind of judgement. My mother had me at an early age so in a sense I grow up alongside her calling both my grandmother and my mother; mom.

So the text that I received a few  weeks ago stating that mommy was having health issues caused my heart to stutter. Flashed me back to a memory of my cousins and I arguing over who loved her more. “If she died I would throw myself in the casket with her.” I vowed causing my cousins to yell at me for ever suggesting that she would ever die. In our young minds she would be around and healthy forever.

She’s so strong and up into a couple of weeks ago she was running around CT better than people twenty years her junior. Taking trains and taxis to the casino whenever the whim suited her. Traveling from state to state as if there were no barriers. Never needing any assistive device or any assistance from anyone. Now that has changed and I had been notified via text. Via text…

Even after I talked to my grandmother and she assured me that she was ok. “They’re always exaggerating. You ain’t got to worry about me baby.” Was how she phrased it laughing and downplaying the situation as my aunt continued to text message me about walkers and colonoscopies. The nurse in me needed to assess the situation with my own eyes.

Two flights later I was in her home wearing both the eyes of her daughter and the eyes of her nurse and while it was oh so easy to tell other people’s parents to get rid of their cat or their car, there are not many things more daunting than trying to decide how to tell your own mom that she needs to get rid of her throw rugs. That the table that she keeps lifting her walker over is unsafe as is the cellphone cord that she has stretched across the walkway to her bathroom. Or that yes, you do think that she needs one of those I’ve fallen and I can’t get up things.

I spent an entire twenty-four hours cringing every time she went to the restroom trying to find a way to broach the subject before I mentioned the placement of the table. Of course she lifted up the walker to display for me how light it was. It was not a problem and she would be “OK Baby.”

I don’t like conflict so when she went to the bathroom to get dressed for church I moved the table, plugged her cellphone charger up behind her bed and placed it on her nightstand, then I spent twenty minutes on Amazon ordering all of the things I had discovered she was low on during my assessment; toilet paper, paper towels, ivory spring bar soap, and her beloved beef ravioli.

I thanked God when she came out of the bathroom and laughed “I was going to ask you to put that table over there.” she said before sitting on the bed to finish getting dressed for church. I hope she meant to ask me to replenish her supply of Chef Boy A Dee as well. Either way I embrace the challenge of encouraging her to enjoy her autonomy while moving things out of her way for her own good.

I don’t however, embrace the fact that she may need a hip replacement for pain. I don’t believe that this is something that she has recently been struggling with. Lastly, I don’t know how I’m supposed to live in FL while she’s in CT where I can’t consistently see her with my own eyes.

I Deserved That and Chances Are You Did Too. Lets Be For Real.

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Whenever I do something that causes me grief or discomfort I forgive myself and move on from the situation by saying “I deserved that”. I don’t do this as a way to come down on  myself or even as a way of excusing myself, but as a way of acknowledging to the Universe and myself that yes I put that out there and I understand why I received it back.

My most common misdeeds are: Not speaking up for myself or against something because I don’t like conflict. Not charging my phone when it is screaming that it needs to be charged. Being so inside my head that I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing and fall, bump into a wall, or even drop something. I’m also famous for knowing when someone is going to screw me and finding some reason why they won’t; only to get screwed in the end.

I could go on and on with examples but I’ll give you a big and a small.

My cellphone lives in my hand probably a good 8 hours out of the day. I do absolutely everything on it from reading to banking. So it’s no big surprise that my battery is frequently screaming out that it’s getting ready to die. I am also a horrible cell phone charger. My phone can be at five percent and I will be listening to an audiobook, texting my best friend, emailing a potential wedding vendor, and playing the Sims simultaneously while watching the battery percentage decrease before my eyes. Will I plug that phone in though? No because that would be the proper thing to do and I’m destined to not be proper in the most inopportune times. So it dies. Of course I can’t get mad. I just acknowledge that “I deserved that” and plug it in while shaking my head it myself.

I have an associate who did me a favor a few years ago by putting my vehicle in her name. I have always paid it and the insurance on time. Most of the time overpaying because I wanted it out of her name as soon as possible. She is horrendous with paying her own bills. I have known this for at least six years. She is also horrible with breaking leases and honoring her promise to pay. Eventually this caught up with her and she needed a place to say. Of course I feel like I owe her something and I just know that if I rent her an apartment in my name she is going to pay the bills on time and she’s not going to break the lease. NOT. Not only does she break the lease and make a promise to pay, but she doesn’t even tell me that she’s done this until after I’ve paid the car off. 1. I DESERVED THAT. 2. I will not allow her to ruin my credit by not honoring the promise to pay in my name.

You have to get to a point where you acknowledge foibles and take responsibility for the grief that they cause. Chances are if your boss is always breathing down your neck about your project being completed you may have been late with projects or caused them to question your timeliness with assignment completion in the past. Or if your children’s father sucks and he had previous kids before yours you probably ignored how much he sucked to those kids. Or if a friend or employee screwed you, you probably had previous knowledge of how they screwed other people.

Einstein says that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. All of these instances remind me of this. SO don’t be insane. Or at least acknowledge that “You deserve that.” Even if that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Poetry and Other Such Things

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To my Uncle Otis who taught me that broken and repaired things are stronger than the original

I see you
Notice the way you managed to make a way out of nothing
Allowed this country to tear you in two
punch rocket holes in your soul and still manage to avoid being another man standing on the corner begging for dollars with “Help a veteran signs”
Can’t imagine that this was easy
Not easy like raising another’s child
Not easy like trying to steer black boys straight when the world is crooked
Not easy like burying someone you’d put your all in to while expecting them to out live you
Not easy like repeating the cycle
I see you 10487444_261613754027876_7712151747494812132_n
And I wonder if it’s hard for you
Harder than the trauma that exploded your torso
Harder than returning to a country who begged for your representation
While never planning to represent you
I see you like I saw you then
The first time I realized that this country is built on the backs of the souls of those broken and repaired
The first time I realized that the strongest souls are those who were once broken and are now repaired
3/22/14 ADJP