Gratitude List 10.13.16

  1. My alarm sounds like the theme music from from a nineties video game. When it goes off AB complains that it is not soothing enough. I tell her that I don’t care. She proceeds to jump around our bedroom as if she is Mario from Super Mario Brothers making the noises, acting as if she ate a mushroom and has grown, and just being an all around character. A. She taught me to not care about certain things. B. I wish to be as free as she is but just watching her be free is plenty good for me. For now.
  2. Darian is oversleeping in his bedroom which is next to ours. He is alive, loved, and comfortable.
  3. Snapchat, it’s filters, my best friend’s stories.
  4. My mother’s hilarity and our text messages.
  5. On Sunday my father kissed my cheek and refrained from lecturing me on how to lose weight. I’m losing it. I obviously have it covered. I think he gets that.
  6. Today is the first day of my writer’s retreat. I plan to write, and write, and write, and write. With a little editing and planning thrown in for balance.
  7. My grandmother is alive she has lived through so many things and I’m getting better at preparing myself for when she is ready to be done with this earth.
  8. Friends who come to your job just to hug you and kiss your cheeks. Those are the best kinds.
  9. Cyn. Mystical, Warrior, Woman; full of grace and knowledge.
  10. That gospel song that goes “Woke me up this morning started me on my way.” that one. That happened.
  11. Love. It’s all we need.

Feelings Nothing More Than Feelings Trying to Forget My Feelings of Love.

I’m a day behind on NaBloPoMo and I couldn’t decide whether to write for day three or four but when I read the writing prompts aloud day 3 prompted me to sing “Feelings Nothing More Than Feelings Trying to Forget My Feelings of Love.” in my best Steve Urkel voice. I’m not really trying to forget my feelings of love, that’s just the way my mind works. If I hear or read certain phrases I just break out into song or into a monologue from one of my favorite films. I’m sure there is a word for this I’m just too lazy to look it up right now.

Today has actually been a pretty happy day. I woke up determined to be happy and even though I struggled with my emotions a couple of times I was able to stay on my high flying disc at least eighty nine percent of the day.

I had a conversation with someone last week about feelings. She was telling me that a group of people claimed that I am rude and unhappy when they were around. I responded by saying that I’m not rude but I feel that these people exclude me and block me out. Her take was that I wasn’t giving her anything concrete. Because I was emotional I couldn’t fully portray to her that both sides of the equation were about feelings and since feelings are real neither are invalid. Furthermore, if we are all a mirror of each other couldn’t the case be that we were both playing off of negative emotions and not only drawing off of things that don’t exist but making them worse through our beliefs on both sides. Wouldn’t the proper fix be to actually sit down, hash out these bad feelings, and clear the air. Le sigh. In a perfect Sitcom this would’ve been the fix but alas this is the real world and the fix is not that simple. Or is it. We may never know.

Lately I have been having all of the feels but I hope to be cresting the ridge of the Sad Adrien Mountain. Best feeling of the day? Sitting in the hot tub after a busy day of working and getting my documents together for my mortgage application.

Although I’m struggling with my public sharing I’m so happy that I decided to do a NaBloPoMo this month. So far these free writes have been a life saver.