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Formal Notice

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Formal Notice

I’m willing to move my ribs to the side for you.
Pluck open my back and give you pieces of my spine so that you can stand up straighter.
Invite you to have the pick of the draw when choosing my shoulders.

Choose wisely.

I want you to be properly prepared as you carry the weight of the world. You’ve been doing it alone for so long and two heads are better than one.

Three shoulders are better than two.

I would give you my heart but I need it. Couldn’t give you pieces of me so unequivocally without it. But I’ll give you a kidney,
sliver of my liver,
part of my lungs,
I would give you my tongue if only I knew you would use it to just speak up.

Why don’t you ever just speak up?

Why don’t I just speak up?
There’s an old saying advising people to do unto others as you’d have them do to you.

But what if you’ve given others your Milky Way and half of your stars out of the goodness of your heart and they can barely part with a kind word?

What then?

What do I do when I’ve shown you that I’m willing to give you more than half of all of me and I realize that you can’t be bothered to do the same?

What then?
What if I changed.
Gave to the world an exact replica of whatever it is that the world has given to me?

Dear World,

I taught you how to treat me. Accepted your bullshit even though I was allergic to it. Even though I knew it for exactly what it was.
But things have got to change. I can not continue to dry out my oceans to fill your river beds when you wouldn’t offer me a cold drink if it required too much work. Consider this my formal notice that the old ways are done.
And when you start to notice don’t be surprised.

Remember,
you already done been told.

I Deserved That and Chances Are You Did Too. Lets Be For Real.

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Whenever I do something that causes me grief or discomfort I forgive myself and move on from the situation by saying “I deserved that”. I don’t do this as a way to come down on  myself or even as a way of excusing myself, but as a way of acknowledging to the Universe and myself that yes I put that out there and I understand why I received it back.

My most common misdeeds are: Not speaking up for myself or against something because I don’t like conflict. Not charging my phone when it is screaming that it needs to be charged. Being so inside my head that I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing and fall, bump into a wall, or even drop something. I’m also famous for knowing when someone is going to screw me and finding some reason why they won’t; only to get screwed in the end.

I could go on and on with examples but I’ll give you a big and a small.

My cellphone lives in my hand probably a good 8 hours out of the day. I do absolutely everything on it from reading to banking. So it’s no big surprise that my battery is frequently screaming out that it’s getting ready to die. I am also a horrible cell phone charger. My phone can be at five percent and I will be listening to an audiobook, texting my best friend, emailing a potential wedding vendor, and playing the Sims simultaneously while watching the battery percentage decrease before my eyes. Will I plug that phone in though? No because that would be the proper thing to do and I’m destined to not be proper in the most inopportune times. So it dies. Of course I can’t get mad. I just acknowledge that “I deserved that” and plug it in while shaking my head it myself.

I have an associate who did me a favor a few years ago by putting my vehicle in her name. I have always paid it and the insurance on time. Most of the time overpaying because I wanted it out of her name as soon as possible. She is horrendous with paying her own bills. I have known this for at least six years. She is also horrible with breaking leases and honoring her promise to pay. Eventually this caught up with her and she needed a place to say. Of course I feel like I owe her something and I just know that if I rent her an apartment in my name she is going to pay the bills on time and she’s not going to break the lease. NOT. Not only does she break the lease and make a promise to pay, but she doesn’t even tell me that she’s done this until after I’ve paid the car off. 1. I DESERVED THAT. 2. I will not allow her to ruin my credit by not honoring the promise to pay in my name.

You have to get to a point where you acknowledge foibles and take responsibility for the grief that they cause. Chances are if your boss is always breathing down your neck about your project being completed you may have been late with projects or caused them to question your timeliness with assignment completion in the past. Or if your children’s father sucks and he had previous kids before yours you probably ignored how much he sucked to those kids. Or if a friend or employee screwed you, you probably had previous knowledge of how they screwed other people.

Einstein says that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. All of these instances remind me of this. SO don’t be insane. Or at least acknowledge that “You deserve that.” Even if that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Books Over Beerpong… Beer Pong… Whatever

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Books over BeerPong. I’m the girl sitting in a corner at a party reading her book. Occasionally lowering it to respond to some inane question or to throw my two cents in to some random topic that I may or may not care about. Or to scope the scene. One must always be aware of their surroundings. Particularly if there is beer involved.

Should I be engaging with the people surrounding me? Many would say yes, me… I don’t really know. If my only reason for engaging is because others expect it or demand it of me then what’s the purpose. In that instance my participation isn’t genuine.

The older I get the more I want to be authentically me. The more I want to be around people who accept and understand the Authentic me.

I will no longer feel bad about being who I am. I will no longer surround myself with those who make me feel bad for being authentically me.

Some protests are silent. images

2014 Midterm Elections, Get Out The Vote!

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Since 2004, WordPress has set out with an ambitious goal in mind — to democratize publishing and put state-of-the-art tools in front of publishers both large and small across the planet. We believe strongly in this vision because when more people have access to powerful tools on the web, that in-turn empowers them to do great things and publish amazing content. We feel the same way when it comes to democratizing, well, democracy — and in just a few weeks, citizens across the United States will have a unique opportunity to flex their political muscle and vote in the 2014 Midterm Elections.

For our part, we want to provide our US-based users a set of resources to help them make a smart, informed decision when it comes to who they will vote for. We also want to provide a toolkit so that they can get more information on where to…

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Should you give a shit about priviledge?

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Should you give a shit about privilege? Specifically the privilege that money, class, and fame bring which allows people to separate themselves from being considered Black or African American? Or homosexual. I’ve been pondering this since the whole Oprah/ Raven Simone interview and I’ve come up with a few things.

One: I don’t like labels so I can totally understand why someone would object to being classified as one thing or another.

Two: Not claiming a label does not stop others from classifying you as such.

-See Kanye’s line in All Falls Down where he says “You still a Nigger in a Coupe” See Donald Sterling’s racist rant. Magic Johnson in his eyes is still a nigger in a coupe.-

Three: The reason most people were upset is because lots of people especially disenfranchised people such as homosexuals and African Americans have a hard time finding representation and when they think that someone represents them and find out that that person does not then their feelings are hurt. This is understandable… to a certain extent. Every person deserves to own themselves and make decisions for themselves as they see fit. They deserve to be respected when they make these claims. And on the other hand we deserve to say “Oh, ok. My bad. I clearly thought you were someone that you’re not.” AND we or people who are upset because honestly I’m really not, Raven Simone is simply not that relevant to me, She hasn’t been since she was on The Cosby Show; deserve to move these people off of whatever pedestals we’ve placed them on and keep it trucking. Life is too short and we have bigger issues.

-see Ferguson, Chicago, Isis, Gay Marriage, the attack on women’s rights, and the list goes on and on like the Erykah Badu song-

Four: The reason a lot of people were upset is because this frame of thought can be dangerous. Contrary to this new belief America is not a post racial society. Racial prejudice is real and people are dying everyday because of it.

Bottom line is; yes privilege can be dangerous, but in the instance of these “new black” people ( a term I DESPISE as much as I despise ACTING WHITE, Proper, and THOT) such as Raven Simone, KeKe Palmer, and Pharell fuck em and feed em Pork n Beans. They’re not your representatives. They didn’t apply for the position and they certainly don’t want it. If they bother you bad enough quit supporting them and quit allowing your children to support them. And move on. Spend your angry time and energy on things that deserve your time and energy.

I’m a real nurse contrary to my own beliefs

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The first time you have to do CPR in your neighborhood grocery store life becomes really real. You won’t throw up even do you want to, CPR is like riding a bike (you got this), that feeling between your legs needs to be addressed immediately after you pass the patient over to the paramedics even though you took care of that at home, and you should probably take some Motrin ASAP chest compressions make your uterus cramp. Also the paramedics are so much nicer to sweaty nurses wearing short dresses.

Hate is a strong word but sometimes it’s true.

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When I was a child either my siblings or I decided that it was a smart idea to yell that we hated each other. In my house. With my parents. Particularly my father. You just didn’t do those things and get away with it. In our defense I don’t think that we had the same definition of hate that my father had.

hate

[heyt]
verb (used with object), hated, hating.
1.

to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for orextreme hostility toward; detest:

to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2.

to be unwilling; dislike:

I hate to do it.
verb (used without object), hated, hating.
3.

to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
noun
4.

intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5.

the object of extreme aversion or hostility.
6.
to want someone to die
my father’s definition
As an adult I’m pretty sure that his definition is incorrect or a bit dramatic, as was the whooping that we received, and the subsequent punishment in which we had to hug each other until we loved each other… but here’s a list of things that I do hate:
*Racism
*Sexism
*Classism
*Rape
*Feeling Unappreciated
*When people blame children’s behaviors on parent’s. (It’s not always the parent’s fault)
*Ungrateful people
*Cheesecake
*The ease which white men accomplish things that other people strive for years to accomplish.
*The fact that I kinda feel the need to explain the previous entry. I won’t.
*Loud women
*Know it alls
*Parent’s who smoke in the same spaces as their children.
*Wet socks
*When people tell me to smile
*Journalists who don’t fact check
*Rude customer service workers
*Gay people who shop at Chick Fil A
*Any disenfranchised person who patronizes places that strive to further disenfranchise them.
*How it’s acceptable to stand in line for iPhones and not for Jordans
*My handwriting
*The fact that people are still trying to ban books in 2014
*Hangnails
*Homophobes and last but not least beer.

Authentically Adrien

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While trying to figure out a name for my blog, I sit down with a pen and a paper and create a list of any name that comes to mind.

IMG_9874

I write down Authentically Adrien and it feels good but I’ve decided on a plan and stopping at the first name that feels right is not a part of that plan. So I plod out to the living room with my completed list and pass it to AB (I’m sure you will learn more about her as the days go on but let’s just say that she wears multiple hats including managing the artist who is Adrien), of course she reads the list quickly and sticks the notepad back in my lap. “I like Authentically Adrien”. So there you have it folks. Welcome to my World.