The thought that self-love is revolutionary is becoming more common these days. There has been an interest explosion in all of these different areas typically considered to be about loving ones self. There are self-help books, blogs, and articles written every day about it. Everyone seems to be trying to love themselves more. On my Facebook friend list this morning within five minutes I saw people writing about losing weight, eating right, meditation, and taking yoga. People are switching jobs, leaving spouses, and coming out of closets all in an effort to love themselves better.
I don’t see people describing furthering their educations or changing careers as a means of self-love and personal fulfillment. In my opinion it is one of the most revolutionary acts. I have been meditating, running, doing yoga, buying houses, and making decisions in my romantic life that I thought were going to make me happy for years. However, every day I have to go in to a job that I am good at, with people who I like on most days, only to leave in the evening and feel unfulfilled.
I realized years ago that nursing wasn’t really the thing for me, writing was, writing has always been the thing; but I’ve kept plugging away at nursing. I thought if I started writing more that it would make me happier. I started a blog, began competing in Poetry Slams, completed my first novel, joined different writing groups, and…It didn’t make me any happier. Actually, trying to juggle my writing life with my day job just made my day job feel more unbearable. Some days I forget to be thankful that I have a job and just feel annoyed that I’m forced to work when I should be writing. I began to feel resentful that I was unable to just quit and chase my dreams. I’m an adult and I have grown people bills.
For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling, trying to figure out how to write for a living, how to switch jobs and get a job that would allow more time for writing. How to do anything besides what I was doing. I woke up one day and decided that I was going to go back to school to pursue a degree in Journalism. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to try to talk me out of out. I didn’t want to hear people tell me that I should be focusing on completing my nursing degree for the financial stability that it brings.
So I changed my major and enrolled in a full load of classes towards my Journalism degree. Instantly I was much happier. I felt like for the first time I was actually showing myself some much-needed love. Amazingly when I revealed to my friends and family what I was doing they all seemed to be happy for me. The same friends and family members who have been telling me to further my nursing education actually said, “It’s about time.” or “I’m so happy for you.”
Realizing that the path that you’re on isn’t the right path and actually starting to do something about it is one of the most amazing feelings. Even if it’s going to take you ten years to become a chef, a physical therapist, or even a journalist; taking the first step, planting the first seed, casting the first stone feels so delightful. It feels REVOLUTIONARY. EXHILARATING. FREEING.
The feeling is one that I wish that I could share with so many people who are struggling to figure it out. If I could say one thing to all of the people trying to figure out what they want, how they want it, and how to get it, it would be to take Esther Hick‘s advice and stop trying to figure it out. I stopped trying to figure it out and I just started doing it. In response I have not struggled with my decision at all, my job has accommodated my school schedule, the money for school was automatically there, the support for my son was automatically there. The Universe has lined up to support me and my decision. I am so grateful that I started this revolutionary journey.