Adventures in Shopping 8.1.15

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Note to self: If you go to the grocery store at noon on a Saturday it will be just like being at work, population wise. 
A group of shoppers will be intent on trying every kind of meat and cheese in the deli “to make sure they like it” they will do things that are humorous i.e. bouncing and swaying before putting some of “this great meat” in Harold’s mouth. Harold will look to you in embarrassment before his eyes open wider with delight over this magical meat. You should not laugh out loud. 

There is definitely some novel fodder in this material. Life is full of material, pay attention.  

How Many Times Can One Soul Cry? My Reaction to the Sam Dubose Video.

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I said I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t watch one more video of a black person being murdered by the police, but today while I was reading an article the video was embedded in the article and of course I clicked on it. I watched it to the end and then I cried from my soul.

Sam Dubose's Mother being consoled.

Sam Dubose’s Mother being consoled.

Soul cries are reserved for the very best and the absolute worst of situations. Lately I’ve had more of the worst kind than I’ve ever had in life. I didn’t live during slavery, or segregation. Didn’t have to worry about protecting myself during the civil war. The worst racial experience I ever had to witness up until these last couple of years, was when Rodney King was brutally beaten in Los Angeles in 1992. I was born in 1984 so when that happened I was eight years old. How badly did that really effect me? Honestly not much I was a kid, I didn’t really comprehend what happened. Or maybe it was when Amadou Diallo was murdered in cold blood in 1999. Again if you subtract 1984 from 1999 you will find out that I was fifteen years old. I remember feeling that his death was horrible but I didn’t soul cry I seriously doubt that I cried at all.

As with most millennials if you’d asked me a few years ago I would have told you that while we were nowhere near a post racial society we were doing much better than we’d ever done before, hell our President is black. His election had to count for something. Right? Wrong. Everyday when I turn on my television or log onto the Internet I have a hard time figuring out if we are in 1958 or 2015. It’s 2015 and white men hiding behind badges are still using fear as a justification for shooting black people in broad daylight. Wouldn’t it seem that if you were too fearful of a population that you were not properly suited to protect and or to serve that population?

Being forced to witness or hear about these deaths on a daily basis  is absolutely horrible. I’ve suffered every stage of grief in what seems like a consistent pattern for the last couple of months. I can’t catch a break. Black people can’t catch a break. It doesn’t matter if we speak properly, face the officer, address him with respect, or pull our pants up and skirts down. It doesn’t matter if we know our rights, demand that the officer tell us why we’re being pulled over, nor if we question their judgement or knowledge of the laws. Whether  you are a respectability politic preacher or a militant minded, fuck the police they’re going to respect me, advocate there are enough videos online of black people doing both and ending up dead faster than you can blink. And most of the time the murderous officers are walking away acquitted. They’re murders justified in one way or another. Even if they do lose their jobs they’re getting book deals and being paid millions of dollars.

So what then? What must happen in order to stop this massive onslaught of police brutality? Every idea I have on this topic doesn’t seem good enough or quick enough. Legislation takes years and has to be decided upon by a system that has shown time after time that black people are not its favored people. Trying to humanize ourselves to people who don’t understand why we pay so much attention to the murders of “thugs” and “angry black women” isn’t the answer. I’ve stated more times than I can count recently that I’m not here for educating people who don’t want to be educated about how #BlackLivesMatter when #AllLivesMatter. In my humble opinion those people will never get it. I don’t know what to do but I’m tired of protesting, and blacking out my profile, and stating their names. I’m tired of crying, of being on edge, of praying that this doesn’t happen to me. Of hoping that I don’t get pulled over so strongly that I’ve slowed down significantly and placed all of my proper legal car papers in a place where reaching for them won’t seem hostile. I’m a black woman and I need to make it home to my child so I’ll continue to do these things and more but I’m really starting to wonder if America will ever get to the point where black people and other people of color won’t need to do these things.

Adrien’s Adventures in Homeownership 07.26.15

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Soooo you buy a house, you move in, you unpack most of your things… now what? Firstly you realize that homeownership is EXPENSIVE and that you need to pace yourself. My home was completely remodeled so I haven’t needed to replace anything crucial but a bunch of little things keep popping up that will need to eventually be addressed.

Example: The HUGE washer and dryer that I had to have in order to not be forced to wash my comforters at a laundry mat, doesn’t fit!

IMG_3375 Dueling Machines!

After much deliberation over whether to return them, exchange them, bust open the wall to make space for them, or to be logical and make them fit for now and arrange to have the connections moved in order for them to fit, I went with the latter. So for now my machines look like they’re in an epic duel. Eventually I’ll budget enough money to have the connections moved but for now it works.

There are also a lot of low-cost incidentals which can add up to a pretty penny if you don’t pay close attention to every swipe of your card. I have three bathrooms, none of which came with a shower curtain rod.  So I needed three of those along with a mailbox, a refrigerator, a stove, and a couch. Which I purchased all on credit. So in addition to my mortgage payment I’ve gone from a person who had no debt outside of student loans to a person with more debt than I’d like to admit. I know #FirstWorldProblems. I’m privileged and today I am so appreciative of the few privileges that I have. Without the debt I wouldn’t even have a bed to sleep in.

I’m trying to clamp down on my excitement and urge to go out and fill my home with all of the things that I think I want. After my divorce I took my time furnishing my apartment and that process ended up with me being the most comfortable I’ve ever been in an apartment.  I keep reminding myself of this along with the fact that I intend to own this house for years to come and over time my preferences will change. So I can’t just go out and charge a bunch of trendy items. Mostly I’m re-learning what I’ve known for a while, if you take your time and strategize you can have anything you want and need without breaking the bank. I’m realizing what I definitely have to have (a bed) and what I can wait a while to get (a dining room table). So if you happen to visit be prepared to eat dinner on my lovely TV tables.

My greatest homeowner accomplishments over the last week:

Installing my own mailbox with DJ and BF.

Locating an extra long shower curtain that I like for the master bathroom. (A task a lot harder than it seems.)

Utilizing my resources to get my shower rod hung. (AB will forever be the greatest!)

Realizing that I have all the time in the world to get this home decorated the way that I want it. IMG_4011

I did it!

I did it!

Adrien’s Adventures in Home Ownership 07.18.15

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I did it!!!!

Last Thursday I achieved one of the things that a large number of Americans want to achieve: I purchased my first home. It’s been a very interesting process. I’ve had what seems like millions of conversations with various home owners and none of those conversations prepared me for this journey. It has been surreal.

Today was moving day. I can’t even count the amount of times that I have moved over the years but moving into your forever home has a vastly different feel than the feelings of moving into a new apartment. I woke up at five am and begin flitting through the house excitedly while I waited for my movers to arrive.

Moving day taught me a few things:

No matter how much you prepare you will forget something.

– Usually one of the most important things on your list. In my case it was the power drill which I really needed to drill the legs onto my new couches and toilet bowl cleanser.

There are some amazing people in this world.

– The College Hunks who moved my junk actually took the time to help my son assemble our mailbox before rushing off until their next appointment. My electrician helped DJ assemble the couches after discovering that we didn’t have a drill. He moved the power cord for the stove so that he could push the stove back making it flush with the wall. He also made the stove level after discovering that the Sear’s delivery men basically dropped the items off, did the bare minimum, and high tailed it out of here.

Some people are only looking to do the bare minimum.

– I  had two deliveries from Sears today, a mattress for the master bedroom, and a refrigerator and stove. Both times the delivery guys came in, placed my items down as quickly as possible, and jetted out after getting quick signatures. What they don’t know is I had planned to tip all of them. They didn’t get the gratuity because they didn’t deserve it but also because I barely had time to ask questions before they ran away. Maybe they had busy schedules. Maybe they wanted to get home to their families. Either way a few extra minutes would’ve equaled  a few extra dollars in their pockets.

Those dollars ended up with the most deserving person though: My electrician. I forgot to mention that he straightened my doorknob (unscrewed the knob and made it level) because it was slightly off-center and “Getting on my last nerve. You may not notice it but I do.” There are definitely angels on this earth.

FLEAS: I have found at least six fleas in this house. I know they didn’t come from the new furniture. We noticed a few before the deliveries started arriving and kind of brushed it off but after everything was situated and we sat down to eat we noticed a few more. We don’t have carpets, or animals, and we didn’t have any at the other house. I also didn’t notice them during any of my walk throughs, during the inspection, or any of the other times that I have been to this house. I have no idea where they came from but I do know that I can’t call the office and request pest control. I am officially maintenance, security, pest control, the manager, and all other duties that arise.

*CHALLENGE ACCEPTED*

Lastly I was reminded that if you don’t freak out at the first sign of trouble you can think clearly and the Universe will provide for you as it always does. I needed to be at both houses today on three different occasions and between pushing the car to the speed limit, awesome repair and installation people, and great timing I managed to meet every delivery person, be here long enough for every installation, and manage the movers at both houses. Most of these things were happening at two places simultaneously.

*Cues I am a God*

Stay tuned, I’m tired and I feel like I’m rambling but I plan to keep you guys updated on this home ownership journey.

Special Thanks to College Hunks Hauling Junk, Wayne the electrician, and Verizon for the superb patience and way above and beyond service. And to Kelly Parks of Keller Realty for the gift card that helped me purchase my stove and refrigerator.

Also to my neighbor slash homey/lover/friend Mo for coming through with the flea bombs. Something tells me where there are six there are more.

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My plant Alice. I named her after my great grandmother. Keep your ancestors close. They help ground you.

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College Hunks do more than just haul junk.

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How many people does it take to put together a mailbox? At least five.

Wayne the electrician.

Wayne the electrician.

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New fridge and stove from Sears Outlet.

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DJ would you like to use a drill?

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Delivery equals bringing items to your home and plopping them down as quickly as possible. -Note to self ask what that delivery fee covers.

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Wayne The Great

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These Hunks were awesome!

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DJ unloading the car.

Depression is real, acknowledge it.

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Somethings are hard to admit to yourself, like the fact that you’re depressed. That you’ve been riding the roller coaster of grief for months now and you’ve been holding that all inside. Letting it all out, trusting someone else with it is powerful. That’s strength. I of all people know this to my core.

So why is it that when I’m in the center of the worst bout of depression that I’ve experienced in years do I zip my lips tighter than ever? I didn’t tell my mother, I didn’t tell my best friend, I didn’t blog about it,  or journal about it, I didn’t even tell the person who shares my home; the one person whom I should be able to share anything. I refused to even begin to acknowledge it.

I went through the highs and lows announcing to myself that I was just sad… no, bored… no, lonely… until I was driving along in my car and out of nowhere I thought of how easy it would be to slam my car into a median and call it quits. Followed by the thought “I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice that I’m gone.” Followed by the thought that “I’m not ready to die” and an admission to myself that I was Depressed, Majorly and I direly needed to talk to someone.

I  was on my way back home and upon arrival after crying until I felt like my soul would explode I finally opened up to myself and to AB about what I was feeling and why I thought that I was feeling that way. I went to bed feeling better but still deeply depressed. I awoke feeling like a thousand pounds had been lifted from my heart. I have no idea why it took me so long to acknowledge to myself what I was feeling but I’m so glad that I sought help before I did something irreversible.

Depression is different for every person. That image that is in our brains of a person whom either over eats or doesn’t eat at all, doesn’t shower or perform personal hygiene, and loses their job for lack of showing up is just one view. I proceeded through my life the same as I always have, I even went out to drink with my friends a couple of times, the only difference that I noticed in hindsight is that I stopped writing and I began to really isolate myself. I didn’t read as much because I couldn’t focus on books. I watched more Television and ate more foods that made me happy (Yaaayyy ICE CREAM). The point is depression may not exhibit itself in the typical ways but you need to be aware of yourself so that you can notice those subtle feelings that are stronger than sadness and seek help before it’s too late. Don’t expect anyone to just know that you’re depressed. Most people will miss the subtle signs or assume that something else is going on. You’re important. You matter. You’re worth on this Earth is not finished yet.

  

Dope, A Nineties Kid’s Wet Dream Come True

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Last night I had the pleasure of seeing an advanced screening of the movie Dope. One sentence review? Dope is Dope as Fuck.

First, Dope is not set in the nineties but the leading character’s obsession with the era is displayed in their dress, way of talk, and the music that they love to listen to. The music led by Pharell Williams is definitely one of the best film soundtracks that I’ve heard in a very long while. Both the 90s hits and the original songs added to the Dopeness of this film.

Dope is a fast paced comedy reminiscent of The Wood, which was also directed by Rick Famuwiya, which tells the tale of three high school seniors; Malik, Diggy, and Jib and their epic adventure when they get mixed up with the wrong crowd.

The three teens who self identify as 90s obsessed geeks, have a punk band, and are all on the fast track to ivy league universities with straight A’s and high SAT scores are nothing like the inhabitants of their neighborhood. Their primary goals are to make it out of the hood alive with no arrest records. After Malik meets and develops a crush on a neighborhood drug dealers girlfriend Kia (played by the beautiful Zoe Kravitz), the three best friends are invited to a party, subsequently sucked into the drama of their neighborhood, and end up being forced to sale a large amount of Ecstacy in order to pay back the neighborhood kingpin. They team up with a computer hacker friend who teaches them to sell the drugs on the internet’s black market and the fun ensues.

Adding to the awesomeness of Dope is the fact that this film is not your typical coming of age drama, though these teens are forced to play a deadly game they play it their way which is both hilarious and brilliant, the social commentary including a discussion on who can say the N word (white people you can’t, just stop already) and the realization that Ivy League educations don’t always lead to greatness. The characters aren’t one dimensional and the portrayal of each shows you that people are a lot more than you ever think they are on the surface.

I almost forgot to mention how dope the cast was, be prepared for some great cameos including Tyga and ASAP Rocky who shocked me with his portrayal as the head of the neighborhood drug dealer. Like the main characters his character had a lot more depth and made you question how people end up in the positions they obtain in life.

I would not only pay to see this film again but I plan to own it when it’s released to purchase. Go see it and tell me what you think.

I was not paid for this review and all trademarks are the properties of their respective owners.

On Being Kind For Kindness Sake

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You can say what you will about my Resting Bitch Face, you can say how you were scared to talk to me initially because I always look so serious, you can talk about how I’m not fake and can be blunt. You can even discuss how in instances where you have given me a real reason to not like you I simply don’t deal with you outside of common courtesy. What you probably also know is that I’m one of the kindest people you will ever meet.

If you do you’ve probably heard it from someone who really knows me, more than likely it would be one of my patients. I don’t push my kindness in your face. I don’t do it for show. And every so often I am reminded of why I am glad that I am so kind, because we are all going through serious shit. This life that we live is not an easy one.

There’s a young girl at my job who is not doing well healthwise. There are people at my job who treat her badly because she’s young, not a professional at her new job, and is overweight. Initially I was going to steer very clear of her because she had a crush on me and she’s so young and I just don’t need those problems. After talking to her I figured out that the crush is harmless and because of the way that other people treat her I have been extra nice to try to make up for the BS. I’ve taken her under my wings and tried to both teach her the aspects of her job that she needs help on and ensure that she provides the staff the simple things that they need.

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Now that she’s sick I’m sure people are going to flood her hospital room, the same people who spread rumors that she was on drugs on Friday, the same people who show so much disdain for her on every other day, the same fake people who do things to be lauded by others. I however am not going to visit, at least until she can verbally tell me that visiting her is ok.

If she leaves this earth today I will feel good knowing that I made her laugh, that we had a relationship built out of genuineness, that I took the time to listen to her problems and dreams, and that one of the last things she yelled to me while I was walking down the hall was that she loved me, and  even though I have been telling her to watch her volume in the halls, I yelled it back, and I meant it.

Live Out Loud

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Live Out Loud

I don’t wear a watch because I march to the beat of my own drum.

That’s not to say I don’t respect other people’s time. 

I do. 

But in my mind:

There are no clocks. 

There is no time. 

There are no limits except the ones you’re imposing upon your self. 

Stop. 

Love. 

Live. 

Be free. 

You don’t have to have it all figured out today or next week. 
You have your whole life ahead of you. 

So stop with all the planning

The “by 25 I’m going to be here”

“By 29 I would have accomplished all of this”

“By 35 I’m going to be that.”

Stop

Stop

Stop doing that

And start doing it

Start living, 

start giving, 

Stop and smell the roses.

Run a foot race down the street in your bare feet.

Plant a tree.

Kiss some chick you do not know.

Fuck any and everybody you want to fuck.

-use protection-

Just do it.
Do the whole world a favor; 

Stop planning it out and start living out loud.  

 Things I wish 25 year old me had known.

On Why You Should Think Twice Before You Share That Meme

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There’s a MEME floating around the internet of a baby who looks like she may have on makeup, at least that’s how people are describing her. For the past couple of days it has been being shared from people all over the world including celebrities getting it pretty good exposure. Recently someone unearthed another child who is suffering from leukemia and on the brink of homelessness and began stating that people should stop sharing the meme immediately. They misidentified the child in the meme as the sick child.

Apparently that’s where people draw the line. You want to make fun of a baby? Fine. You want to make fun of  a homeless baby with leukemia? You will burn in the fiery pits of hell with all of the rest of the evil people in the world. This way of thinking is problematic. The sharing, commenting, laughing, etc of the meme are all forms of internet bullying. Before this child’s fifth birthday it’s image has been widely used as a form of entertainment. Why is this ok? We sit behind these computer screens and become desensitized to people and their feelings. A “simple” joke becomes a widespread phenomenon that everyone is ok with supporting until people think that the child is sick.

Whether the child is sick or not has no bearings on whether it is wrong to share their image all over the internet. Can you imagine growing up and finding out that when you were a baby you were the butt of one of the internet’s jokes? Would it be ok to take the same sorts of photos and share them at a public function such as church or a community picnic? Would this meme be ok if the child were yours, or someone in your family, or you?

Sharing these memes is the equivalent of joaning, hiking, ragging, mocking, ridiculing, whoever is so lucky to be the subject of the current memes. Sharing memes such as this is cyberbullying whether that is your intention or not and cyberbullying can have deadly consequences. It can lead to depression, anxiety, or suicide. I’m sure you may think that’s a far reach for this meme but I’ve seen children and adults of all ages turned into these funny memes and if you decide to share them you may want to think of the potential effects.

The Affair A Jack Reacher Novel by Lee Child

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I’ve been a Jack Reacher the novel character fan for a long time. I’m such a loyal fan that when Tom Cruise was cast as Reacher I vowed to never pay to see the movie. Any true Reacher fan knows that Tom is nothing like the novel character. So far I haven’t watched it and I have no real plans to do so. A few months ago I was in the library for a Kitchen Table Meeting and they happened to be having a book sale. *cue my fangirl scream* Of course I purchased as many books as I figured I could sneak into my house without AB noticing as possible. One of those library finds was the Audiobook version of The Affair by Lee Childs.

Though this book is number sixteen in the series it is written as a prequel and gives us the back story to our beloved hero. In this book we are introduced to a different Reacher, one who is still enlisted in the military and sent to Carter Crossing Mississippi, a small town which would not exist if not for the fact that they have a flourishing Army base. Fort Kelham houses elite Army Rangers who operate covert operations which if exposed could place the US in a very unsavory position. All is well for the small town and the base until the girlfriend of one of those elite rangers is found murdered with her throat slit from ear to ear. A war tactic any Ranger worth his salt could perform in his sleep. So who done it? The ranger? Another ranger? Or hopefully for the military’s sake someone from the small town of Carter.

Reacher has one directive: go to Carter undercover, make friends with the local police, find out what they know and prevent them from uncovering anything that could harm the Army’s reputation. This should be simple enough but the local sheriff is a breathtakingly beautiful woman named Elizabeth Deveraux who is as determined as Reacher is to unwrap the different layers of this mystery which turns into more of a conspiracy when they realize that the dead woman’s boyfriend is the son of the senator who chairs the Armed Services Committee. Even more so when it’s discovered that this woman also had a relationship with the senator in question.

Reacher and Deveraux find themselves in a race against time as more people are killed and someone attempts to bury the truth as fast as Reacher can uncover it. In this book Mr Childs shows readers that Reacher has always been committed to the truth even if by exposing it he will lose the one constant thing he has had in his entire life; his military career.

This book is definitely one of my favorite Reacher novels. I spent a lot of time counting the hours until I could get into my car and get transported back to Carter Crossing. It has inspired me to start from the beginning and reread all of the novels, Killing Floor here I come.

The Affair

The Affair