3 Reasons Why Kelsey Grammer and his shirt are “immoral” and stupid. 

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1: Using the horrendous massacres of American Citizens to further your antiabortion platform isn’t just immoral, it’s massively insensitive.

2: Doctors performing medical procedures whether for choice, convenience, or to save a mothers life is not equal to or greater than gun violence. 

3: If he’s not willing to support these embryos

  •  (by putting his estimated 60-100million net worth where his big fat cheating mouth is)
  • his wife isn’t the birther of these embryos, or he hasn’t slipped up and got caught out there (by getting another woman pregnant)(but wait he’s done that! OH THE MORALITY)  his opinion is just that; opinion. 

Even if any of these cases were true his voice is still low man on the totem pole i.e. No uterus no talky out against.
   

  

Taking Flight

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It’s 8:09am and my flight just boarded to my first official writers conference.

 The fact that it’s LGBTQ centered makes me think of intersections, a topic I’ve been pondering quite a lot lately. I am so many things that intersect at  so many intersections.

I bumped into Sheree at the airport. She has been dragging me along for the last couple of years, urging me to write, urging me to publish, urging me to realize that there is power in words, that my words have power. 

She helped me to understand that this writer’s life is not easy and that if I wanted it I would have to actually do the work. 

So I’ve been doing the work. Unlocking myself. Gaining a sense of self confidence that is required to embark upon this journey. And I’m on it. 

 So it’s 8:14am and I’m sitting on this plane feeling like my life, my #writerslife is finally taking flight. 

Did you think this all the way through?

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Sometimes I see something online and in my head I hear a flurry of expletives. Something along the line of 

Are you effing kidding me? 

You can’t be effing serious.

Who the eff thought this was a good idea?

For instance:

This? This is how someone thought we would solve gun violence?

Let me guess… It was probably created by someone who denies that we have a home grown terrorism issue. Even though it’s a fact that since 9/11 we have had twice as many domestic terrorism attacks than foreign attacks in The US.

Or maybe it’s one of those people who assumes that every other country is doing far worse than we are and makes statements such as “OMG do you know that they have to have police escorts to go to school in Rwanda… Afghanistan… Seria.”

Either way it’s idiotic. There is no way that having four armed people in schools is a good idea. 

1: We have a major mental health issue in our country.

2: A large amount of our veterans have mental health issues. Ever hear of PTSD or someone being shell shocked. I have. I treat these people.

Don’t get me wrong  I’m not saying that all veterans suffer from mental illness I’m simply saying that this meme is not the cure to our gun violence issue.

Nothing about it screams SAFETY.

I don’t want it in my son’s school and I don’t want it on my college campus.

Having to walk through four armed guards to get to class is not my idea of fun. Armed guards in my mind equate to the polar opposite of warm and fuzzy. No matter who is holding them. 

 

What’s in your toolbox? 10.5.15

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I am a proud member of the slash society. You know those of us who wear more hats than is probably medically safe; DJ’s mother/ Nurse/ Writer/ Blogger/ Journalism Student/ Social Media Manager/ AB’s fiancee/ Oral Fixation co-host/ Organo coffee distributor/ I am probably out of my flipping mind.

How can I possibly do all of these things? Is it possible? If it is am I doing them all well? Did my kid wear clean underwear to school? Did I remember to tell AB about that important thing?

You’re probably thinking one of two things either I am

1: on a cocaine diet

or

2: horribly failing at half of those things…

I’M NOT!

  • According to my boss and the provider of my main stream of income I am an exemplary employee.
  •  Like most moms I know I am the best mom I can be. I’m not perfect but I try really hard to provide for all of DJ’s needs. 
  • The blog is growing. 
  • My social media marketing clients are happy and experiencing measurable growth related to my hard work.
  •  And so on and so forth. In a nutshell; I am doing this shit. And doing a pretty good job of it.

Envision a woman wearing high heels standing in the center of a bunch of balls that are revolving around her head. The key is to touch every ball at least once a day in order to keep them in circulation. Even if you just touch it to schedule something for a later date, to prioritize one thing over the other, or to decline an invitation to do something else. Sometimes one of them will require more attention and when that happens you need to be able to quickly shift focus without dropping one of your balls. Especially if all of your balls are important to you. Also you need a really good toolbox. 

   

What’s in mine?

Prayer and meditation. I need to realign myself before I get out of bed every morning. I’m doing a lot and if my mental faculties are skewered everything else will be too.

An amazing support system. I’m surrounded by people who do everything from babysit, to remind me to go pee.

My Apple Watch. It’s my computerized secretary. I use it to schedule, plan, write notes, remember to stand up, measure my heart rate while I exercise, and to manage my clients social media accounts.

Organo coffee. I was skeptical about a coffee that didn’t give you jitters if you drank too much, could help you create a stream of income, and help you lose weight. So far it’s been a much welcomed addition to my toolbox. Oh and the cafe latte flavor is muy delicioso.

Tieks. I’m not getting paid to say that these shoes are worth every cent. I’m too busy to wear heels. I don’t have time for them. I’m not one of these women who can walk in them as if they were in their bare feet, and running which I do frequently, would be impossible. But I have a professional job where I’m expected to either wear scrubs (which I hate) or dress professionally. Tieks can be worn in any situation from business environments, to karate schools, to late night journalism classes and beyond. They’re comfortable, look great, and they don’t hurt my feet after wearing them from 6 am to midnight on most days.

Oh and if AB needs me to accompany her to a formal event they’re still appropriate!!!

I won’t say that I don’t get tired or that I am not counting the days until my SM, Blog, and writing; officially pay the bills. Or that I’m not so ready to be done with school but with my toolbox I’m able to complete all of my daily tasks and still enjoy my life.

So are you a slasher and if so what’s in your toolbox?

6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

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DjNDevin's avatarShe Speaks

MomNDad

I was trying to figure out which blog this topic should go under, and decided that it fell more so into the “parental/family” category, so here goes!

Over the past weekend, we unfortunately missed at least two pretty important celebrations of life events for some of our closest friends (and Thankfully they are the type of people who understood the reasoning for our absence, and they’re ok…Everybody isn’t though). These were occasions that we were actually invited to, RSVPd for, and expected to attend. Then a little thing called LIFE happened, and our fun-filled weekend was replaced with a killer sinus headache, an exhausted Mommy, a sneezing/stuffy Daddy, trying to get a car battery replaced, a coloring book marathon with my 4-year old, and a massive poop explosion from the 11-month old tyrant! So…in all things typical of a writer, I decided to turn this experience into a special…

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Adrien’s Musings

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Norman

Norman

Calvin

Calvin

When my brother Calvin died he left me a voicemail on my cellphone. For the life of me I can’t remember what he said. I’ve changed cellphone carriers at least three times and sometime during the change I lost the message. I’d give my right middle toe to hear it just once more. At the time of his death I wasn’t talking to him and we hadn’t spoken in a while. I was angry with him for something so important that I can not remember exactly what it was. I was probably unhappy with some life decision that he made. I swear I wish he could meet the new me. I’ve changed for the better, live and let live and all that jazz.

A while ago I wrote a poem where I tell another one of my brothers, Norman, that he’s dead to me. Harsh words  I know…but in the poem I tell him how I’m preparing my heart for the phone call that I don’t want to ever come. So basically I kill him off figuratively now so as to not have to deal with the pain of the day that I pray never comes.
Today I got a call from my sister in NJ’s phone number and I let it go to voicemail. I’m not ready for that phone call. Thankfully this wasn’t that phone call but as black mothers, sisters, aunties, and cousins when do we ever get the luxury of not having to worry about that god forsaken phone call? Just in case; my brother did say “Hello” on my voicemail and I’ve saved it to my Dropbox. A girl can never be too prepared for those days we wish never come to past.
Originally Posted as a page on 9/22/14

Don’t Let Other People Give You THEIR case of the Mondays.

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If you are a person who enjoys being miserable especially on Mondays then this post is probably not for you. Unless you want some insight into how your negativity impacts everyone around you.

It happens like clockwork every week. You get off of work on Friday, have an amazing weekend doing all of the things you want to do, and then before you know it the festivities aren’t quite over yet but you’re already getting anxious about Monday.

You’re not ready for the weekend to end and you’re definitely not ready for the people with The Case of The Mondays. After all you probably work with some of these Monday hating people. It’s easy to avoid the social networking Monday haters but if you’re like me you’re probably getting ready to spend at least an hour stuck in a meeting with these unhappy people.

For me my weekend was everything. I partied with six year olds one day, eighty something year olds the next, and the entire time I got to spend with my fiancee. Like most people we’re very busy so whole weekends together are quite rare. Last night while sitting in a tight space talking (one of my favorite things to do) I asked her if she ever has to deal with Monday hating people. I told her how I hate going in to work on Mondays and that usually I probably seem like an antisocial asshole because I put both headphones in and only respond to people who address me about work.

I don’t want to hear about all of the people who were forced to spend time with their children and families, I don’t want to hear the narrative of the person who actually had a pretty good weekend but only knows how to explain this in a negative manner, and I don’t want to hear the people who come into my office and wax on about how they hate MONDAY.

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I want to ask them what Monday ever really did to them. Is it Monday they hate or do they hate their jobs that they have to return to on Mondays? Mostly I want to tell them that as usual my weekend was amazing and to please not Kill My Vibe.

I’ve realized that I don’t hate Mondays, I don’t even hate Monday Haters. I just don’t want to hear it so I listen to an extra motivational video on my way to work and the second someone begins to spread their Case of The Mondays I put both of my headphones in and listen to a book. What their talking about is not my reality. It’s theirs and I don’t want it.

Whatever you do to avoid it realize that you probably don’t hate Monday. She’s a pretty sexy day and she doesn’t deserve all of the disdain. Reflect on your awesome weekend, look forward to the greatness you have planned for next weekend, meditate, or breath just don’t  let other people give you their case of the Mondays!

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I Have Something To Say

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I have something to say. This isn’t something new. If you’ve known me long enough you know that I rarely if ever am at a lack of words.

I haven’t really been talking though. Of course I’ve been commenting on certain subjects occasionally. I’ve been watching what’s happening in the world and talking to myself about how I feel about them. I’ve been talking AB’s ears off and venting to my friends. I’ve even been filling up journals…Yet, I have this amazing open platform, all of the technology one could ever need to access it and I haven’t really been saying anything on here.

I felt like I didn’t have anything to add to the conversations.

Like I wasn’t intelligent enough to string my sentences in a way that would make people feel things. In a way that would foster some sort of change. Even if the change were small.

Most embarrassingly; I have been holding my tongue so as to not offend my friends and family members with my view points on certain issues.

The greatest gift that I received from Roxane Gay’s talks during the Decatur Book Festival was the confirmation that “I have something to say.”  and that people need to hear it.

So on Authentically Adrien’s first birthday I’m revamping the blog. It’s going to be more organized, more direct, and I am going to be saying some things. If you’ve stuck with me this long I am so thankful for you.

I appreciate every single person who has ever even glanced at this blog. I hope that you stick around to listen to what I have to say.

Self Love is Revolutionary

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The thought that self-love is revolutionary is becoming more common these days. There has been an interest explosion in all of these different areas typically considered to be about loving ones self. There are self-help books, blogs, and articles written every day about it. Everyone seems to be trying to love themselves more. On my Facebook friend list this morning within five minutes I saw people writing about losing weight, eating right, meditation, and taking yoga. People are switching jobs, leaving spouses, and coming out of closets all in an effort to love themselves better.

I don’t see people describing furthering their educations or changing careers as a means of self-love and personal fulfillment. In my opinion it is one of the most revolutionary acts. I have been meditating, running, doing yoga, buying houses, and making decisions in my romantic life that I thought were going to make me happy for years. However, every day I have to go in to a job that I am good at, with people who I like on most days, only to leave in the evening and feel unfulfilled.

I realized years ago that nursing wasn’t really the thing for me, writing was, writing has always been the thing; but I’ve kept plugging away at nursing. I thought if I started writing more that it would make me happier. I started a blog, began competing in Poetry Slams, completed my first novel, joined different writing groups, and…It didn’t make me any happier. Actually, trying to juggle my writing life with my day job just made my day job feel more unbearable. Some days I forget to be thankful that I have a job and just feel annoyed that I’m forced to work when I should be writing. I began to feel resentful that I was unable to just quit and chase my dreams. I’m an adult and I have grown people bills.

For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling, trying to figure out how to write for a living, how to switch jobs and get a job that would allow more time for writing. How to do anything besides what I was doing. I woke up one day and decided that I was going to go back to school to pursue a degree in Journalism. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to try to talk me out of out. I didn’t want to hear people tell me that I should be focusing on completing my nursing degree for the financial stability that it brings.

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So I changed my major and enrolled in a full load of classes towards my Journalism degree. Instantly I was much happier. I felt like for the first time I was actually showing myself some much-needed love. Amazingly when I revealed to my friends and family what I was doing they all seemed to be happy for me. The same friends and family members who have been telling me to further my nursing education actually said, “It’s about time.” or “I’m so happy for you.”

Realizing that the path that you’re on isn’t the right path and actually starting to do something about it is one of the most amazing feelings. Even if it’s going to take you ten years to become a chef, a physical therapist, or even a journalist; taking the first step, planting the first seed, casting the first stone feels so delightful. It feels REVOLUTIONARY. EXHILARATING. FREEING.

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The feeling is one that I wish  that I could share with so many people who are struggling to figure it out. If I could say one thing to all of the people trying to figure out what they want, how they want it, and how to get it, it would be to take Esther Hick‘s advice and stop trying to figure it out. I stopped trying to figure it out and I just started doing it. In response I have not struggled with my decision at all, my job has accommodated my school schedule, the money for school was automatically there, the support for my son was automatically there. The Universe has lined up to support me and my decision. I am so grateful that I started this revolutionary journey.